Jonathan Winters FUNNIEST Jokes On Johnny Carson -HT

 

Well, I still call guys up and I still answer the phone as different people and someone will say, “Uh, hello. Uh, Jonathan Welson.”  No, the boys The boys in the basement  is uh combing the kitty.  Jonathan Winters was a comedy genius turning any topic into absolute chaos.  We’re a tough family.

 So,  you got to call it as easy.  You got cuz she’d survive. I know her. Blow her into a tree, come right out with some squirrel. You know,   these are Jonathan Winter’s funniest jokes with Johnny Carson. The Indians Meeting Europeans line  and of course the boat went right into Plymouth Rock and uh they swam ashore and then they got up on the rock and everybody prayed usually on the rock and those that didn’t pray were cuffed around a little bit and uh by the minister you don’t you believe you don’t

believe you know. So, uh, then of course the Indian showed. God bless the Indian. And he was saying, “Look at the buckles on the dummy.” And, uh, of course it was something for an Indian because he had no buckles, you know, good waist, tight, and, uh, maybe a rubber band, but certainly not a buckle.

 And say, “Uh, no.” And then the guy had buckles on his shoes. Hey, no wonder they were not wanted right away.  And then the buckle on the hat told him that he’d had some special treatment.  Indians meeting Europeans in 1987 gets flipped into blunt suspicious reactions. His spot on voices is what made this joke legendary. Why Winters went to war.

War had nothing to do with it. I was not getting along with dad and I was failing geometry. So I had to go. I I I felt the country was hey I I thought someplace along the line, you know, I could stack overcoats or something like that or maybe by luck, you know, uh go through old films.

 Um they asked me to be in special. I understood them say special services for special forces and um  we left in the middle of the night. I said where are we going lieutenant? I was always asking a lieutenant that you know first first lieutenant especially because it was silver showed up at night and I’d say where where are you going and typical none of your business you don’t know anything.

 And of course it was the beginning of a gigantic inferiority complex which carried me through the war. His 1988 war decision stems from a ridiculous personal trigger. The serious topic becomes absurdly relatable through casual logic. The epic rant. Mrs. Macaulay came over. How are we doing? I I always bugged me even and I was a little kid then.

 I had no brothers or sisters and I boy I didn’t have, you know, nearly as much weight problem. I was rather attractive kid. As a matter of fact, um  at recess I got lucky. But anyway, uh uh when teachers say and a lot of people say, you know, how are we doing? What does this mean? Why can’t you say how are you doing? You know, [clears throat] but they say that in hospitals, how are we today? Not good.

  See him, he doesn’t like you. So, um So,  the 1988 tirade winds up with each sentence topping the last. Johnny told his staff, “Winters turns overreaction into the joke engine. It’s genius.” Winters breaks.  She said, “I gave him away to the mission.” I said, “That’s all right. You know, that’s okay.

 The poor kids, but you should have you should have written me.” And I said, “Please, why? Why? You should have let me know.” And she said the line I’ll never forget. She said, “Well, sweetheart, how did we know that you were going to survive?” So that’s when I put her in a home early. Carson Live. Every 1987 conversation attempt gets detonated with another angle.

 Winters keeps finding new places to hit, making Carson drop all control visibly. The young womanizer. I said, “Mother, you know, it’s great to be home, number one.” And I said, “Where are my toys?” His long paws. She said, “You’re 20 years old, dummy.” And uh very sensitive at that time, too. I mean, if you if you said that’d been said to me in the service, and of course, grenade.

So poor lady. Oh, blow her into a tree, come right out with some squirrel. You know,  so uh she said, “You’re 20 years old. What are we talking about the toys for?”  Jonathan’s low-key line about trying to get girls when he was a kid made Carson plus the audience laugh hysterically. His out of nowhere line at the end sealed the deal for the jokes.

 Iconic status. Winter’s jokes about his family.  Years ago, I was a very normal child. Too normal probably. I wasn’t making any money. No, my parents were divorced. I won’t go into a long thing in deference to they’re gone anyway. But sorry.  Uh the thing was that uh dad was off, you know, somewhere in an open field or,  you know, settling insurance policies near a creek bank.

 And so I just didn’t know about him where he was. And it was always explained he’s away. Everybody in our family was away a lot.  Where’s Uncle Aunt Emma?  She’s away, dear. You never knew where.  Yeah. Well, I knew that eventually as I went by, one of the institutions was uh but at any rate, uh  his 1988 family bit sounds normal until chaos revealing details drop.

 Carson later said, “Winters makes family stuff just sound like a disaster film. The contrast kills me. Vacationing with the in-laws. It’s  uh it’s interesting because I think with a great many men, I’ve been fortunate. This hasn’t happened to me very often, if ever. But a great many men have to satisfy their wives with the mother-in-law scene, you see, and and father-in-law sometimes.

 Say, and uh she always says, “Well, I want to take my mother again this year for at least a week.” Mother doesn’t like it where she is, and we want I want to take her. And the guys, oh, please.  I suppose we’re going to take your dad, too.  Yes, we’re going to take dad, too.  Uh, and there’s always a problem with uh with in-laws of I didn’t think we were going to go there.

 I don’t want to go there.  And that’s all right if the guy would throw in some coins. But, uh, usually it says, “I seem to have left my money at home. Don’t have anything.” M   my job.  The 1974 vacation story starts normal, then tightens into a survival test. Carson told friends, Winters acts polite while describing absolute misery with straightfaced escalation.

 It’s brilliant. The art studio story.  You do all this at home? You have a studio?  Yes, I have a fantastic studio, Johnny, in the basement.   I suppose you’re supposed to have North Light or something like You’re supposed to have a lot of things,  but uh  I’m about 6 ft from the furnace.

 And uh I have two uh Mexican chair that I sit in. I have an easel, which I had to have that. I felt that was either that or a beret.  And uh so I chose the easel. I have  Do you have any light coming in?  Oh, yeah. Right. There’s a little light, little window about like this, which the kitty is usually looking for.

  And there bars on the window that represents a little something for me.  Learning art through matchbook ads gets mocked in 1973 as Winters makes creativity sound like a scam you accidentally joined. The art studio description becomes ridiculous as Carson tries keeping it serious while Winters turns the artist life into a mess.

 The matchbook adds reference kills as Carson appreciates the specificity. Winters makes art education sound fraudulent with the livedin mess feeling authentic. Winter’s impersonation of a farmer.  Buck Edelhoffer. I hope you don’t mind either one of you if I chew.  No, no, sir. Not a bad  Well, I always have.

 Ever since I was 6 years old, I always had a bunch of stuff in the right side of my face.  Yeah, just like ball players. Huh? Just like ball players do that, huh?  That’s fools. What has always been fun for me is to get a little curry dog and do that to him.  Winter’s premise changes are lightning fast as Carson tries following along while Winters shifts characters constantly.

 Wyoming  working way into Chicago. Then I went up into Manitoba with a wheat and a machine. Just a lot of machinery. Cut wheat up there for a while. Got into salmon and uh very serious. Very serious.  Never laugh at a salmon person.   Grab a treble hook into your face, boy. I’ll tell you.  It’s funny because of his perfect impression without breaking the act once as Johnny just sits back and becomes an audience member.

 Winters proved his improv mastery as the speed overwhelmed everyone. World War II homecoming story.  I said, “Mother, you know, it’s great to be home, number one.” And I said, “Where are my toys?” Long pause. She said, “You’re 20 years old, dummy.” And  uh very sensitive at that time too. I mean if you if you said that had been said to me in the service and of course grenade.

 So uh I I didn’t have any grenades or she’d have been history. So uh she said you’re 20 years old. What are we talking about the toys for? And I said I said she said I gave them away to the mission. I said that’s all right. You know that’s okay. The poor kids but you should have you should have written me.

You know those last hours in Philadelphia discharge. And I said, “Please, why? Why? You should have let me know.” And she said the line I’ll never forget. She said, “Well, sweetheart, how did we know that you were going to survive?” Winters takes a straightforward World War II homecoming memory and twists it into an escalating laugh-driven story where the serious premise keeps getting undercut by comic turns.

 The laughs come from how quickly he pivots from sincere detail into absurd character-like embellishment. The homecoming story starts genuine and heartfelt as Winters tells the wartime context before flipping it out of the blue. Carson expects a sentimental moment getting comedy instead. The twists feel spontaneous as Winters builds the absurdity systematically.

 Winter’s voice changes.  I want to tell you, Johnny, don’t worry about the tanker. I’m not  But he’s been sent a part.  Well, lick my face and boom.  True.  No, I’m on cruise ship.  You were not on You were That’s right. You were not at the helm then. No, I wasn’t at the helm. I uh I probably should have been, you know.

 Good  to see you.  I had no idea what you were going to do before you walked out here.  I didn’t either.  Better looking man.  I think you’re a fine-l looking man.  I think And you’re an attractive man.  This appearance is built around Winters firing off spontaneous riffs and voice shifts so fast the segment stops feeling like a normal interview.

 The comedy comes from the momentum with Carson’s role becoming reacting and trying  to steer while Winters keeps changing lanes. The character shifts happen mid-sentence as Carson tries following the thread. Winters refuses to maintain any single direction for long. The spontaneous riffs pile on top of each other, creating chaos.

 Carson attempts steering, repeatedly getting overrun every time. The voice changes signal new characters instantly. Winters treats the interview format as optional. The momentum carries the entire segment. Carson surrenders to the whirlwind. The lane changes prove Winters owns the couch. The punchline segment.  Of course, I was still doing this.

 If I give you Oh, they were saying that.  If I give you four apples and three more, how many do you have? Too many for my lunch box. Had 11.  Not funny. Not funny to the teacher.  No. And this kid  is in college.  This kid is in college. Boy, it must be. Of course, she’s doing a smart thing from my standpoint.

 She’s dating a 19-year-old.   A full Carson sitdown where Winters turns everyday topics into punchline engines by treating small details like they’re dramatic events. The humor is the intensity and improvisational shapeshifting as he starts with a normal point, then builds it into a bigger stranger bit.

 The everyday topics get elevated to crisis level. Just  that’s as good as a general.  Must be very proud of that.  Thank you.   Did you strafe a lot of workers in the field? guys at El Toro.  Winters treats minor annoyances like major disasters. Carson watches the escalation with growing amusement. The improvisational shifts keep the segment unpredictable.

 Winters makes mundane moments feel theatrical. The shape-shifting happens organically. Carson appreciates the commitment to absurdity. The dramatic intensity over nothing becomes the joke. The classic joke appearance. When the rains do come, uh, our basement floods and it’s always fun to go down there, uh, early in the morning, uh, to witness about that much water in the in the basement to to see some of your favorite works of art, uh, floating.

  You really have watercolors very fast. And of course, the furnace automatically shuts off, and I automatically don’t know how to turn it on.  This 1974 segment highlights Winters in classic story mode where the laughs come from piling on vivid left field details rather than landing one clean punchline.

It works because he keeps the pacing unpredictable with each new beat feeling like it could spin into a totally different scene. The story mode showcases winters at his peak.  Got about about a quarter of five and we had to bank what we call bank the the coal  and uh  to keep it going.  Keep it going.

 And um I remember uh my wife uh seems to me several times came close to getting malaria uh because I would bank it and get it up to an all-time high  of about 2016 and she’d wake up. Oh my lord,  what’s happening? The heat is, you know, and this would be January or February when normally it was five below.

  The vivid details come from unexpected angles. Carson tries anticipating where the story goes, failing completely. The left field additions keep everyone off balance. Winters builds narrative momentum, then derails it deliberately. The pacing shifts prevent any rhythm from settling. Carson becomes an audience member. The unpredictable beats make it impossible to guess what’s next.

 Winters proves storytelling can be chaos. The lane changer.  It’s in one of the right or left pocket. All these little surprises. Everybody out of the pool. During an August 1988 appearance, the interview keeps yanking away from the point. The segment becomes Johnny trying to catch a moving target with the payoff watching the format lose.

 The conversation never finds direction as Carson tries steering repeatedly while Winters changes lanes constantly. The point becomes irrelevant as Carson surrenders to chaos  while Winters treats format as suggestion. Uh the tough guys on the farm used to drag me through the creek. Boy, it was very it was really bad taste.

 And I, you know, for mile after mile and you boy. So on the third day, of course, I I I learned learned to swim a lot of frogs, you know, and kelp and stuff, but not kelp really because we’re creeks, but kelp is seaweed. I’m rather quick on that. The moving target analogy is perfect as Carson can’t catch him while Winters proves interviews are optional.

 The structure collapses beautifully as Anarchy takes over while Winters makes hosting impossible. The lane changes are deliberate, showing complete control of chaos. The format loss becomes entertainment as Winters won’t stay still while the August appearance became legendary. Resistance was feudal as Winters dominated  completely with the payoff being structural.

 Carson laughed through the chaos. These iconic jokes from Jonathan Winters proved that real comedy wisdom doesn’t follow rules. It creates its own chaotic, brilliant path that nobody else could replicate. Which Jonathan Winter’s joke do you think was the funniest? Let us know in the comments. And don’t forget to subscribe for more classic Tonight Show moments.