Don Rickles FUNNIEST Roasts On Johnny Carson – HT

 

 

 

Don Rickles became a Tonight Show legend by turning the host into his favorite punching bag.  What the hell’s the matter with you? BEEN ON 26 YEARS. YOU’RE STARTING TO BE LIKE REAGAN. HUH?  ANYWAY,  these are Don Rickles’s funniest roasts on Johnny Carson. The back and forth battle.  Oh, Don.  Are you the governor of Guam?  Aren’t you Aren’t you getting me? I know your age. The prom’s over.

 All right.  It’s summer. It’s summer. I know, but you’re dressing like some Chinese YO-YO OR SOMETHING.  You look like Hong Kong Charlie.  Hong Kong Charlie.  How you feeling, Ed?  Very good.  Keep your name alive. Great.  Thank you.  Rickles fires. Johnny fires back and the rhythm is the joke because neither lets the other reset the segment.

 Carson told friends, “Watching two pros try to outro roast each other while the audience judges every hit is television gold.” The desk roaster.  Funniest monologue I’ve ever heard. Heard you many, many years. Tonight was the funniest. So enjoy it.  You were really I was in the green room.  The two of us and and and and one waiter and some black gentleman was standing going I’m just here to rob you.

 And uh  there was actually a black guy there just planning to rob.  I doubt that.  Yeah, you doubt that. But what do you know?  So what’s new besides the competition?  Rickles walks out and immediately treats Johnny’s desk like a roast deis pushing jokes right at the host. Johnny plays offended for half a second, then breaks with Rickles, using every laugh as permission to go harder.

 The Ed McMahon attack.  Throw him out right away, a vicious guy. I hope your penguin dies in your tub. The  hell that means. Happy New Year.  You really drink coffee?  Absolutely.  Hey, Eddie, get a killer. We’ll get the cab out in about a half hour.  I’m off I’m off of uh off of booze.  Oh, really? Yeah.  Give him a prize.

What do I care?  Even when the headline target is Ed Rickles ropes Johnny in making the host part of the punchline ecosystem.  Did you uh did you did you see the girl you got engaged to? I  certainly have.  Oh god.  It’s like the front of a bad bus.  No, she’s a pretty girl.  Oh, you got to be alone on the highway searching, wandering.

If you don’t get Bambi, YOU GET HURT. NO, I’M KIDDING, MAN. YOU’RE A BIG FELLA. You can handle it.  Anyway, uh  the insults feel like a chain reaction with the whole set becoming fair game. The baseball expert.  So, see see Lou, when you when you lead off, you’re 38 now, right Lou?  Lou, do you are these two tough Vern Rapper is the manager, right? And he stands in THE D GOING, “COME ON, LUKE. COME ON, MAN. COME ON, THINK.

 COME ON. COME ON. THINK. COME ON, LUKE. Hey Lou, COME ON. STAY. HEY, COME ON LOU. STAY. HEY. AND L GOING.  Playing the mock expert in 1977, Rickles gave Lou Brock tips while turning advice into sideways jabs at Johnny. He turns a sports segment into a roast without changing his tone. The everyone destroyer.  I just took George in his car and told him where he was.

 I I got him out of here before you got out. Oh, he was a sweet man. He went back. He said, “Done, done.” I kicked him in the leg and he went away.  Rickles treats Johnny like the first target before spreading it to the room, making the host the opening act.  That’s right. Very  just sits there going, I’m going to get rid of him and sit in the White House.

All right, Mr. President, pass the beer.  How you feel, Ed? Fine. Thank you.  Spoke to Johnny. He’s getting rid of you. Anyway,  Johnny’s reactions become part of the routine with more laughter creating more escalation. The insult home base.  Tell of the Hun. Marty Borman. That Marty Borman like I hang out with her.

Anyway, I mean, you always with the finger. You must have said something. You were a kid. No, I know your parents. By the way, I want to say hello to John. I’m the only guy that ever brings that up. Hi, Mom and Dad. The check was delayed, but you will have to live in the pickup for another month.  He uses Johnny’s desk as home base to toss hit after hit, forcing Johnny into the straight man role.

 The interview structure collapses fast with Johnny basically just surviving the pace. Mr. Warmth.  Louis Bellson, HE GIVE HIM A SOLO. HE GOES BANANAS. HOW YOU FEEL, LOUIE? I spoke to Pearl. She’s fed up. Do I need straps? Okay, look at your notes and let’s get it over with.  Rickles leans into the Mr. Warmth persona, using it as a running joke to undercut Johnny’s cool host image.

 The title is the punchline because he’s warm while roasting Johnny like it’s affectionate damage, the Sinatra Crasher.  Hey, Frank, it’s good to see you. Uh I I I just I just was hanging around in the hall and I they I said Frank Sinatra is here and I’ve never met him. You know  and I get the chance.  You’ll excuse us.

 Certainly. Certainly.  Marco Manganzo was hurt.  Marco Mangalanzo  Fambino Bombato two bullets in the head Thursday. Rickles crashing the Sinatra performance is the bit instantly shifting the spotlight into jokes that put Johnny on defense while the room is already buzzing.

 The interruption feels like a friendly ambush with Johnny having to host the chaos that just walked on stage. The roast guest of honor.  I would like to say first off that this evening is one of the big bomb dull evenings of my life. I’d like to welcome the honored mayor. Good to see you, sir. Having a good time while the city is being destroyed.

 Don treats Carson like the roast guest of honor, keeping him as the main target throughout the segment. Johnny’s only defense is laughter with any attempt to act offended becoming another setup.  Johnny, I’d like to say from the bottom of my heart, nobody likes you. You’re a vicious guy.

 Hope you go back to Nebraska and get a fungus all over your body. What do you think? His mother was supposed to be here tonight, but the pickup broke down.  The sports hijacker is watching Johnny play straight man while Rickles hijacks the premise completely. The rhinestone destroyer  now. Go ahead, destroy destroy my version of rhinestone.

 Just don’t come in my neighborhood. You’re going to get a lot of hugs. This is a beautiful outfit. Billy Bob Jack coming out of shoot N. Ride them, Billy Bob. Jewish people, we don’t go to rodeos. You just sit at home and go sell them the stock, huh? So they  Am I dressed wrong?  I got a rodeo cowboy and a guy on a highway alongside me, you know.

 Rickles treats Johnny’s rhinestone cowboy look like an open invitation, hammering the outfit until the bit becomes Johnny surviving the fashion roast. Johnny tries staying cool as host, but the louder the crowd gets, the more Rickles doubles down like he’s the headliner. Final farewell roast.  What a night.

 God, John, it’s so good to see you. Usually you say good evening, but I guess tonight you’re a little tight cuz you’re working with a name.  But it’s so good and God bless it. I’ve heard so much.  Let’s hope this sticks. Even on the farewell vibe, Rickles keeps it ruthless in a loving way, turning the final visit into a last round of shots at Johnny, making the warmth real, but the roast energy never dropping.

 It feels like a goodbye delivered through insults with Rickles refusing to get sentimental. The full episode pressure.  But you just got married, Frank. I just can’t picture him on the wedding night standing in the room going, “And did IT ALL.” AND I SUPPOSE it’s my way. And Barbara, Barbara, his wife, was going, “Frank, when you get a minute.

”  With the full November 12th, 1976 episode format, Rickles gets room to keep tagging Johnny across the night instead of one quick exchange creating recurring pressure on the host. Johnny can’t fully get away from it once Rickles is in the mix, appearing multiple times throughout the show. The 1969 Authority Destroyer.

 Could I do it a COUPLE OF MINUTES?  NO.  NO. NO,  GIVE ME A BREAK. I’m so lonely.  Get out of here.  Early era Rickles in 1969 is already doing the signature move, disrespecting the host’s authority on purpose. So, Johnny has to host a roast instead of an interview showing the formula fully working.

 Even then, Johnny sets him up and Rickles swats him, making the crowd explode. The authority poker. couldn’t get dressed up for this Kakami affair here, but it’s it’s a great it’s a great night. The president, Don Durgen, is is that Durgen? Don Durgen. Who cares?  Uh he was in the back in the hall walking around going, “I’m the president.

” He told that to rean who stepped on his hand and left. Governor Rean was thrilled.  Yeah. He’s very excited to see you.  Why am I talking to you? I don’t even like you, Joey. Anyway,  Rickles in 1972 treats Johnny like the first target of the night poking at the host’s authority until the interview structure starts to wobble.

 Johnny tries keeping it classy while Rickles keeps circling back with another quick hit. The relentless machine.  The first when when you were away.  Don’t you like me?  Huh?  Honestly.  Yes.  No. I think  No, I adore you. I know that you gave me an opportunity. You even had me. He had a little party the other night.

 I must say in fairness to Buddy and Eden Bird, he had a party. uh for your anniversary.  Well, it wasn’t really. It was just happened to fall on the same day.  No, you were married a year to Joanna.  That’s right.  Correct. Your lovely wife who’s not here tonight, unfortunately. She’s in New York with her organ and monkey.

 Don comes out swinging with classic insult comedy pace, turning every normal question into an excuse to tag Johnny. The laughs build from the relentlessness. Not one single punchline overwhelming Carson immediately. The rolling insult. you buddy Rich and all those days and Ed you weren’t there then you you’re in Jersey with your wife saying you want more taffy  and uh how’s Victoria lovely wife she’s got a lovely wife  11 she 11 years  11 years old I found her yesterday in the park going where my Eddie where’s my

Eddie the 1978 appearance is built on extended roast momentum with Rickles turning the couch into a rolling insult run that keeps returning to Johnny. Carson is unable to reset the vibe with every calm beat becoming a setup for another shot. The real time inventor says,  which means the border patrol will be at your house Friday.

 Anyway,  that was the longest off to a big shot.  That was the longest that’s the longest milking of applause I have ever seen in my life standing out there. What is What is this bowing and bowing? I don’t have $27 billion.  The8s roast style is rapid and loose, like he’s inventing new angles on Johnny in real time instead of sticking to prepared lines, making the entire segment feel like Johnny is trying to drive, but Don keeps grabbing the wheel.

The improvisation makes it unpredictable. Carson can’t anticipate the attacks.  I’m not like you and New Hart, standing on the highway going, “God, no more money. No more money, please.”  Rickles invents material spontaneously. Johnny tries steering, getting hijacked. The real-time creation impresses Carson.

Rickles’s quick mind dominates. Carson told his staff this was genius.  Well, she was drowning and you kept saying further out.  No, we we saw each other at your home. What do you mean?  But I thought you meant over.  I’m not sile. I know what’s going on. What do you mean where did we see each other?  I mean, these all these people went is gone. It’s over.

 The 1987 appearance showed no decline. Johnny appreciated the spontaneity. Rickles proved he didn’t need scripts. Carson’s attempts to drive failed. The wheelgrabbing metaphor was perfect. Rickles controlled direction completely. Johnny surrendered to the chaos. The audience loved the spontaneous energy.

Carson told friends Rickles was still sharp. The improvisation kept it fresh. Johnny knew each appearance was unique. Rickles’s realtime comedy was unmatched. The late instant target.  Funniest monologue I’ve ever heard. Heard you many, many years. Tonight was the funniest. So enjoy it.  Rickles in late 1989 walks in with instant you’re my target energy making Johnny the center of the joke even when the topic shifts with the warm feeling making it hilarious like an insult delivered as A COMPLIMENT.

 GLORIA KOALICHEK 34 3:41 GLORIA OPENS UP AT THE PALACE IN CINO FRIDAY.  The targeting is immediate and obvious. Carson knows what’s coming. Rickles makes Johnny the focus instantly. The topic doesn’t matter anymore. Carson tries redirecting unsuccessfully. Rickles’s warmth softens the attacks. Johnny appreciates the affectionate insults.

 The 1989 appearance shows their history. Carson told his staff their chemistry aged perfectly. Rickles maintained the edge. Johnny’s comfort with the roasts was clear. The warm insults felt earned. Carson laughed harder at the familiar attacks.  And uh and we we’re in a Rolls-Royce, an old Rolls-Royce. It’s an old one, you know.

 In fact, we had uh Marian Davy’s aunt in the back dead. Anyway, uh, and Eric Von Stronheim was running on the running board GOING BE TO GO TO THE SHOW.  Rickles proved the formula was timeless. Johnny said in interviews it never got old. The instant targeting showed confidence. Carson knew his role perfectly. Rickles delivered love through mockery.

 Johnny’s gratitude showed through laughter. The late career snapper.  Don’t be that way. I haven’t been on in 30 years.  Well, you milky.  I mean, 30 years. I mean,  well, you used up most of your time bowing. WELL, OKAY.  Never seen anybody milk an audience like that. I mean,  would you talk a little louder?  Rickles in 1990, even late career, is still snapping off fast roasts that keep Johnny slightly off balance, which is exactly what makes it work with the laughs coming from the same formula of quick hits, no apologies, and Johnny

trying not to break too hard.  Been on quite some time.  Yes.  Because Freddy told me you you didn’t you you didn’t want humor. The fast roasts never slowed. Carson remained vulnerable. Rickles’s timing stayed perfect. Johnny tried maintaining composure, failing. The late career energy impressed everyone at home and those at home watching.

 Carson said in numerous different interviews that Rickles was priceless.  Cabana every night. Every night in New York AND DANNY’S HIDEWAY. THE PEOPLE YOU DON’T KNOW. THESE ARE PLACES THAT ARE GONE NOW. THESE PEOPLE THAT DRANK WITH US ARE DEAD. THE 1990 appearance proved longevity and his quick hits still landed flawlessly.

Johnny appreciated the consistency. The formula remained effective. Carson’s breaking showed genuine joy. Rickles proved age didn’t matter. The quick hit style worked forever. The no apology approach never changed. Carson knew Rickles would never soften. The roast felt fresh and new in an era where comedians often repeated the same jokes across different talk shows.

 Johnny’s visible enjoyment was obvious. Rickles ended the era perfectly. Don Rickles was a prime example that nobody could over three decades of legendary Tonight Show appearances. Even today, he is held up as one of the best jokesters in television history. Which Don Rickles roast do you think was the funniest? Let us know in the comments.

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