These Celebrities Couldn’t Handle Tim Conway! – HT

 

 

 

So, we all ran outside, uh in our underwear, and uh there we were on the front lawn, uh eight of us in our underwear. Now, the people going by in a car don’t know there was an earthquake, you see. A lot of that, you know.    Tim Conway spent decades destroying the composure of Hollywood’s biggest stars by weaponizing innocent expressions and perfectly timed jokes.

 These are the times celebrities couldn’t handle Tim Conway. Conway didn’t know Johnny Carson did this. Roll is on, I’ll have it rolled.  Yeah. Look, I didn’t do on this show. Now, at the end of this next at the end of this month, we have an anniversary show coming up. We’re starting our 16th year. Mhm. You have never been on this show.

That’s true. And I I know we have asked you before. Well, you know, I didn’t know you did this. You know, uh    Conway acts like he just discovered Johnny does this, treating hosting like some sort of strange side hobby. The dog sketch cracks up Harvey Korman. What kind of little stupid Benson?  [cheering]    Benson? I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Benson.

 I’VE BEEN BIDDING AGAINST HARVEY IS SUPPOSED TO KEEP THE SCENE MOVING, BUT TIM keeps placing little comic land mines until that becomes impossible. The dentist with Harvey Korman. Hello. Hello, doctor. Uh well, I’ll be $20. $20? You haven’t done anything yet. 15? Maybe. Look, doctor, please listen to me. I I I have a terrible toothache.

 I am in terrible pain. I want you to do something to stop the pain. Either fill the tooth or pull it. Oh, gosh. Uh well, I C’s. C’s? Yeah, see in dental school in filling and pulling, I only got C’s. That’s just kind of an average grade.  I got A’s in cleaning, though. You want me to clean it for you? Will it stop the pain? No, but it’ll look great.

 Boy, I can polish you right up. Give me the C’s. Give me the C’s. C’s? Oh, boy. A dental sketch should be built around a patient’s fear. Yet, Conway makes the dentist look even less safe. Pirate’s Life sketch breaks Sammy Davis, Jr. I beg your pardon. IS THIS SEAT TAKEN? OH MY GOODNESS, it is a bit tacky, tacky, tacky. Hi. Hi. I’m Bruce Fenwick.

And I think we’re going to be working together. Oh my goodness, you look so great. See, I tore mine because I didn’t want anyone to think it was my first day on the ship. And aren’t we lucky, though, you little devil. You have a window seat. Sammy Davis, Jr. had talent and stage presence that could dominate almost any sketch, making Conway’s ability to twist the scene around him even funnier.

Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett fight over him. Oh, uh pardon me, sir.    Yes. Uh I’d like to rent a car. Oh, Hertz Rent a Car at your service, sir. We’re number one, you know.  Mavis Rent a Car, we try harder.    I can see that. I I think you gave me a little whiplash there.  Oh, you poor man.

 We’re known for our extra service. How about a massage? Well, no thanks. I just  Well, do you have any loose buttons you’d like tightened? No, no.  have any tight buttons you’d like loosened?  No, I don’t think so. Shave and a haircut? Talk about  extra service, sir. What would you like? WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR JACKET PRESSED? Your shoes shined? Would you like a comb, a toothbrush, a cold drink, A CIGARETTE, ANYTHING at all? Uh anything? Forget it.

All I wanted was just  Uh-oh. Oh, you have a spot on your tie. Oh. Very few setups are stronger than giving Tim Conway the space between Lucille Ball and Carol Burnett and letting the tension build in a comedically genius way. Tim breaks Betty White and Steve Martin.   [cheering] [applause]    [applause]   PUTTING TIM CONWAY IN A BEACH PARTY setup with Steve Martin and Betty White gives the whole segment a richer kind of chaos as everyone on screen already knows how to play at high comic level.

The oldest man repairs Harvey’s clock. Yoo-hoo. I’ll get it.    Oh, I’m sorry. I I thought you said cuckoo.    I don’t know. No, it’s great. I have this grandfather clock here. Something wrong with it. It stops every hour. So, I think it may be the mainspring. You think you can fix it?  Right. All right.

 All right. Now, I got to get back to my office. Fix that for you. All right. I’ll just give you a claim check here and make out a Claim check?  claim check for you right here.  Well, uh I’m going to write it out right here. Got to have that in case you ever want to claim it. Yeah. Slow motion. Conway is one of his greatest and underrated weapons in television comedy because it forces everyone else to suffer [music] the pace he chooses, making Harvey Korman ideal opposite him.

 Conway destroys Queen Latifah’s composure. Gosh. And I  I appreciate you so much. We have done sketches, we’ve played games, you climbed You climbed over my couch  Yeah.    the first time. And because of that, I would like to name you my All-Star guest. OH.  [cheering] [cheering]  IT SCARED THE HELL OUT OF ME, TOO.

TIM CONWAY IS MY ALL-STAR GUEST.  [cheering]  TRIBUTE SEGMENTS often become too tidy, but Conway still finds ways to make the room feel loose as Queen Latifah is the right kind of host for him because she seems genuinely delighted rather than overly reverent, giving Conway space to stay funny instead of becoming purely ceremonial.

Thank [cheering and applause] you, Bridget. Oh my god.  [cheering]  OH MY GOD.  [music]  TIM CONWAY.  [cheering]  TIM CONWAY.  [music]  IS THIS THING WORKING? TIM CONWAY. That gives him room to avoid turning into a museum piece as the laughter works differently here than in the old sketch break moments, coming from the fact that he still knows how to tilt the room even while being celebrated through charm. You are my All-Star guest.

 Is there anything you’d like to say? Yeah, that scared the crap out of me. I wasn’t expecting [cheering] that.  [applause]  Queen’s reaction matters because she keeps the warmth of the segment without flattening it into sentiment. [music] As the result is a celebrity honor that still feels like a Tim Conway appearance with all his characteristic mischief.

Conway doesn’t let the tribute format trap him into just accepting compliments, but finds angles to remain playful throughout as the other guests on the panel react to his continuing comedy, proving he hasn’t softened. Dance goes awry with Dick VAN DYKE.  [applause] [applause]  PUTTING CONWAY NEXT TO DICK VAN DYKE creates wonderful contrast because Van Dyke brings natural elegance and Conway brings the comic possibility of immediate collapse as a dance routine gives both men something physical to play against, creating perfect setup.

Dick is such a gifted mover that any disruption beside him becomes even funnier as Conway understands that and plays just off the rhythm enough to make the breakdown feel richer, showing their chemistry matters tremendously.  [music]  The joy is not just in failure, but in watching two pros feel the scene shifting beneath them as you can sense the pleasure of a celebrity guest trying to keep style alive while Conway keeps tugging the carpet with subtle sabotage.

 [music]  The result feels playful rather than messy, which is why the laughter lands so cleanly without anyone looking incompetent despite the chaos unfolding. Van Dyke’s physical grace makes Conway’s deliberate clumsiness stand out more sharply, creating perfect visual contrast between smooth and stumbling.

The dance starts with coordinated movements that slowly dissolve as Conway introduces small timing errors that compound into disaster. Dick tries compensating for Conway’s mistakes, which only makes the chaos worse as his attempts to save the routine fail spectacularly. The Save a Buck Glass skit makes Dick Van Dyke lose it.

     A repair sketch became much funnier when the man opposite Conway is Dick Van Dyke because Van Dyke naturally carries a polished physical confidence that Conway loves to undermine through his characteristic slow destruction of any task given. The title alone tells you the job is already in trouble, and Tim plays that trouble with complete sincerity as he behaves like a worker who sees no problem at all, forcing Van Dyke to absorb the consequences in real time. That contrast is what makes the

laughter keep building as Dick brings just enough dignity to the setup that every small failure lands with extra force while Conway treats incompetence like a fully respectable professional method worthy of pride. The result is a sketch where one great performer tries to keep the room functional while the other quietly turns a routine fix into a slow-motion comic collapse that destroys all dignity.

 Van Dyke plays the customer with increasing alarm as Conway’s repairs make everything worse than the original problem through systematic incompetence. The glass installation requires precision, but Conway approaches it with the confidence of someone who has no idea what precision means or why it matters.  [music]   Dick watches his property get systematically destroyed while Conway reassures him everything is proceeding normally with calm authority.

 The measurements are wrong from the start, but Conway announces them with authority that suggests expertise making Dick [music] question his own judgment. Van Dyke tries offering helpful suggestions that Conway ignores while continuing his methodical destruction with focused determination.

 The tools Conway uses are inappropriate for the task, creating additional layers of wrongness that compound the disaster. [music] Dick’s character becomes trapped between politeness and the need to stop Conway before more damage occurs, creating social tension. The glass gets cut to absurd dimensions that couldn’t possibly fit the intended space, but Conway examines it with satisfaction.

 Conway explains his technique using confident nonsense that sounds professional but means nothing, making Dick doubt his own understanding. Van Dyke’s reactions shift from patience to concern and to barely controlled panic as the situation deteriorates beyond repair. The sketch ends with the job in worse condition than when it started, but Conway expressing complete satisfaction with results.

 Dick delivers lines with increasing desperation while Conway remains serenely confident about his terrible work throughout. Tim Conway’s talk show and sketch appearances performed perfectly with audiences for over six decades, all because he discovered that the best way to get laughs wasn’t through loud comedy or obvious jokes, but through quiet patient sabotage that made even the biggest stars lose their professional composure.

His genius was understanding that celebrities trying to maintain dignity while everything collapsed around them created funnier moments than any scripted punchline ever could. Which celebrity do you think Tim Conway broke the hardest? Let us know in the comments, and don’t forget to subscribe for more funny talk show moments.