Tim Conway’s FUNNIEST Jokes On Johnny Carson ht
Are there other Conways, brothers and sisters? >> No, there were no others. I was I guess they just kind of said on that. You were the only? Only. Only. >> Yes, sir. Yes, sir. But a real bright kid and I’ve done real well, so Tim Conway made Johnny Carson laugh so hard he couldn’t keep up. >> Now, we’ve known each other what, 4 or 5 years and you have never said what you do.
I just figured uh you know, and I never asked you, so I figured uh whenever I came over the house you just wanted uh people in the business coming over there eating and uh running films and things, so I just that’s uh These are Tim Conway’s funniest jokes on Johnny Carson. The horsing around line. Uh just before I went on, the uh director Bill Carruthers, who uh I thought did a sensational job at the Emmys, he said, “We are really running long.
” He said, “Uh don’t go out there and horse around. Just go out and say thank you.” And I said, “Okay.” Uh they didn’t realize they were talking to the wrong fellow, I guess. And uh I just happened to have that telegram with me, and so I thought I’d kind of read it cuz I thought it was important to me. Wasn’t that from Angie’s Pitch and Putt? >> Angie’s Pitch and Putt, yeah.
Tarzana Pitch and Putt, yeah. >> [laughter] >> Yeah. And I also gave a have a uh a friend Ernie Anderson that I’ve known for about 16 or 17 years from Cleveland, and I gave that was his telephone number I gave. Yeah. Cuz he said, “Mention me if you win.” So, I thought that would be the best way to do Tim delivers the phrase like perfectly ordinary advice instead of a punchline, making Johnny meet the absurdity halfway with such calm confidence.
The small town joke. The uh Fishing when you were a kid and going down to the river and >> Yeah, we didn’t uh have a river, but we went down and fished. >> [laughter] >> And they >> Just uh throwing that uh little spinner right out into the mud there. >> [laughter] >> Yeah, it it’s a nice town because everybody really cared about you, you know, it was a very small town and >> When you say small, I come from small Midwestern towns. Yeah.
1,200, 2,000, 6,000. This was uh at the time I was there, I think it was less than 1,100. Yeah. You know the old gag about they had a parade and everybody was in it, but I went back one year for a parade and uh it was a cherry blossom thing, and really everybody was in the parade and it just went down the street, you know, waving at sidewalks and things.
>> And there’s nobody there. Tim starts with a harmless small town setup that sounds standard, then trims the line down very abruptly. Conway’s car is gone. I pulled up and a guy in a red jacket said, “Uh can I take your car?” And I said, “Yeah.” And uh I said, “Do I need a ticket?” And he said, “No, I don’t think so.
” And that’s the last I saw of him or my car. It’s true. What? Stole my car. You gave it to some guy that was wearing a red jacket. >> Yeah. >> [laughter] >> He Well, if a guy comes up and you’re parking for a party and they have valet and everything, a guy comes up in a red coat and says, “Can I have your car?” Wouldn’t you give it to him? I guess so.
I did. Conway stating the fact his car was stolen like it’s a mildly annoying errand makes Johnny react more than the actual victim. Tim didn’t know Johnny did this. Yeah. Well, I didn’t know whether that’s where you wanted me or not. So, I just figured you No, I just said the first roll is on, I’ll have it rolled.
>> Yeah. Look, I’ve been doing this show now at the end of this next month at the end of this month, we have an anniversary show coming up. We’re starting our 16th year. Mhm. You have never been on this show. That’s true. And I I know we have asked you before. Well, you know, I didn’t know you did this.
You know, uh >> [laughter] [applause] >> Conway acts like appearing on The Tonight Show is some strange side hobby Johnny never mentioned before with such polite sincerity, making the host sound oddly secretive. Conway has nothing to discuss. >> [laughter] [laughter] [applause] [applause] [laughter] [applause] >> How are you? Pretty good. I’m
Tim makes the emptiness itself become the joke as Johnny keeps trying to restart the conversation, which only makes the dead air funnier. Tim and Carol Burnett fall into rhythm. The Apple Dumpling Gang rides again with Don Knotts and I. They Is that on already? Is Sure. Boy, you probably have What, you wouldn’t want to rush down and see that probably.
Why not? Yeah, you guess you would. >> I’m a big fan of yours. I think so. >> And then another one coming out Another one with Don Knotts and I. With Don Knotts and I are probably going together. >> and me. No, no, you guys aren’t in it. Just Don Knotts and I. >> [laughter] >> Carol was correcting your grammar. With Don Knotts >> Yeah.
Okay, so Don Knotts and I are in this thing with um No, Don Knotts and me. Don Knotts and the three of us are in there. Um If it’s a subject, you use Don Knotts and I. If it’s a you say with, it’s Don Knotts and me. Yeah. What to do is you leave out Don Knotts and you say with me. He’s going to get steamed about this.
He’s going to really. I don’t think we can cut him out of it. >> They sound like two people who know exactly how to nudge each other into something funny as every small reaction feels like it could become the next joke. I’ve never been on here before. First appearance becomes career joke. Uh I just figured uh you know, and I never asked you, so I figured uh whenever I came over the house you just wanted uh people in the business coming over there eating and uh running films and things, so I just that’s uh But uh they mentioned it the other day that this is what you do. This is what I do for a living. Yeah, got a band and everything. It’s really good. [laughter] It’s dynamite, really. Hey, congratulations. Uh for what? >> [laughter] >> Well, Well, I thought you knew something about my private life. No. >> [laughter] >> Tim turns his first Tonight Show appearance into a joke about his own career, somehow missing the most obvious stop, framing it like harmless oversight. The father joke. I love my I am the best father in the valley. I have Yeah, I really am. I I live for my kids,
I really do. I I didn’t care too much for the early years. I mean, but I I got right in there, boy. I I went through the diaper thing in the uh toilet there and everything and >> And putting them in the can. Yeah. I was real close uh close with the Roto-Rooter man for about oh 4 or 5 years there. No, but I I I grew up with them because in this business, you know, you have a lot of time during the summer and everything and they uh they’re very uh fond of me, I think. I hope.
You know, cuz when I go to the old actors’ home, I want them to come out on Sunday and Yeah. >> He talks about having a big family with the weary calm of a man who’s already lost every domestic argument, making chaos sound so normal he barely notices it anymore, transforming what could be a loud complaint into quiet defeat.
Conway’s story with Jonathan Winters. Uh no, these specials are Well, you said it. It’s on Saturday night and uh it’s Jonathan Winters, whom um and Bernadette Peters and the Mark Chims. I wanted to get somebody for Jonathan to work with Strange to me, I think Johnny is is funny on this as I’ve seen him in a long time because we just had a sketch where we let him go.
I was a uh drill instructor in the Marines and he was a private and the only setup I gave him was uh you’re going to put together an M1 rifle and I’m going to stay on you until you get this thing together. And that was the premise of the sketch and he just fractured me. I mean, he came Well, you know, Well, as we all know, Johnny When he gets rolling.
>> When he gets going and he did, he just uh came up with a classic. It was good. Good. Wait for another commercial? You’re going to stay with us, aren’t you? You’re just not going to You’re just not going to >> Every 15 years I like to kind of rest. >> That’s right. This one works because Tim describes working with Jonathan Winters like surviving a professional hazard while framing comic genius as something dangerous and uncontrollable, making that unusual point of view alone a great joke through the military comparison. Tim’s favorite sketch on The Carol Burnett Show. Some great sketches on Carol’s show over the years. The dentist sketch, you know, there there are millions sketches you do. What’s your favorite? I think it’s strange to me, seeing the dentist sketch. Yeah, that kind of all came out of uh spontaneity really because uh uh we knew I knew I was going to do that with the hypodermic needle in my hand, but when that got rolling, then I went for the head and the leg and everything else and just stayed out there because I saw Harvey was in pain, too, and I love him to be in pain. >> [laughter] >> And so, we just just went with it and I think was one of those nights when people were laughing. You’re brilliant when you’re working. You really are. I
was just thinking about that myself. You know, I think Tim talks about comedy like it’s the most normal thing in the world without building it up like some grand artistic statement, saying it with that dry confidence that makes every memory sound a little funnier than it should through careful understatement.
Tim makes Carson crack up nonstop. I uh you know, I had a funny thing. I used to get physically ill uh whenever I appeared in front of people. And as a matter of fact, um um at the first time I did the Garry Moore Show, what was What was the other guy’s name that was with Garry? >> Durward Kirby? Durward Kirby.
I actually uh before going on uh did something on Durward that he has never forgotten. [laughter] Because uh I when they would and it would only I would get very nervous before a show and then when they would mention my name, it started in football. They would say uh number uh 21, here he is, right guard, whatever, uh Tim Conway or Tom Conway, and I would actually get sick.
I’d just go over to the fence and get ill. So, uh then they stopped giving my name because of they thought that was the problem. Number 40 I went to number And uh it got so I would even do it on the number. So, uh >> [laughter] >> What makes this one work is how Tim can turn a light studio setup into something that feels weirdly unsteady in the funniest way, never seeming to try too hard, just keeps nudging the moment a little further off balance with each seemingly innocent response.
The opening Tonight Show conversation. Well, wise guy, you said do a basketball player, remember? We were at Harvey’s birthday party and uh you’re the one who said that I think this will work, so it’s all your fault. Well, you came on here one night, you did a weightlifter. Mhm. As Mr. Dorf. Right. >> And then you did a jockey. Right.
Uh an elf. An elf. This has become my life. Yeah. >> [laughter] >> This is one of those Conway bits where the laugh comes from how ordinary everything sounds at first with Tim answering like he is being perfectly helpful, but the answer is just crooked enough to throw Johnny off while staying calm, letting Johnny do all the reacting and heavy lifting.
And we were at Harvey Korman’s birthday party and I said, you know, I think it might be funny if you come in and play a basketball >> player in the NBA. >> Well, see how wrong you were. Well, I thought it was good. What do you know about comedy? No, it was good. Yeah, thank you very much. See By golly. How come up with these things all Yeah, hang around How did you come up with the character? Now, you know, I never saw you do this character on the Carol Burnett Show. Uh no, that’s true.
Um I I guess I had a show of my own and Harvey uh did it one with me one time when when it was a takeoff on Fantasy Island and I was uh boss the plane. And uh That dynamic is always funny with Tim because he never looks like he is reaching for a laugh, making the host work harder while he sits there sounding completely reasonable about increasingly unreasonable things he’s saying.
The opening probably involves standard how are you pleasantries twisted slightly into surreal territory through odd word choices that sound almost right. Tim likely responds to simple questions with unnecessarily complex answers that technically make sense but feel fundamentally wrong to anyone listening.
As you know, the last time we saw each other was at the Harvey Korman’s birthday party. I guess he would be 60 years old. >> announced publicly so we traumatic for him. Yeah, and >> for a long time, longer than I have. Right. And it was a beautiful party as you know. All his friends were there. Which were were 11, wasn’t it? That we had actually counted.
No, he he invited >> relatives. Yeah, I guess a friend of yours or something like that. So, there were yeah, a lot of relatives as I recall. [laughter] Uh 60 people there and it was a it was a marvelous party. He spent a lot of money on it. Uh I was really surprised to know that Sears made wine. But, I feel Johnny probably does double takes at the odd phrasing trying to figure out what just happened in the exchange.
The conversation seems normal on the surface but feels fundamentally wrong underneath creating cognitive dissonance in viewers. Tim maintains innocent expression throughout the exchange as though he doesn’t understand why Johnny seems confused by perfectly clear statements. Conway can’t stop talking. Tim, do you have anything wrong with your kids at home? Oh, I’m sorry.
Just to >> [laughter] >> Yeah, I’m doing some research on I was wondering if you HAD AN OPINION >> [laughter] >> I’M DOING SOME I’M DOING SOME RESEARCH ON PEOPLE that uh end up as they have. >> [laughter] >> And I found out that people people like this are more likely to have been very ticklish as little children.
Were you Were you ticklish? Were you ticklish? No. No. >> [laughter] >> Only just now lately. Because it means that What? You mean those of us who are a little ticklish a little crazy are more likely to be sensitive. It’s just a little rule and you notice this stethoscope and we can’t feel the stethoscope. >> Richie’s going to do the famous trick with a handkerchief.
>> [laughter] >> This moment gets funnier because the interview stops feeling like a normal guest segment and starts turning into a survival exercise as Dr. Lyndon Smith keeps rolling forward so relentlessly that Tim Conway and Richard Pryor stop trying to control the conversation entirely, giving up.
They start reacting to the verbal overload itself, giving the bit two distinct layers, showing whatever the doctor is saying and the growing disbelief on the faces beside him, creating perfect unexpected comedy. Conway is especially good here because he does not try to overpower the chaos but instead lets the nonstop talking bury the entire room, then turns his subtle reactions into the actual joke while Pryor doing the same only makes it better through their silent communication.
point out a a typical spot and they they will and I Oh, yes, we see a lot of that. And I >> [laughter] >> I don’t know. I’m not I don’t do very well with >> [applause] [applause] >> I know about I know about that. Is that okay? That’s okay. Well, Well, enough of that. You’re watching two very sharp comics lose to pure unstoppable momentum as the doctor apparently discusses something medical or child-related without pausing for breath or acknowledging anything happening around him in the studio.
Tim and Richard probably exchange glances, acknowledging the madness, silently creating wordless comedy through facial expressions alone that speak volumes. Johnny likely tries interjecting multiple times but gets steamrolled repeatedly by the doctor’s relentless monologue that won’t stop. The doctor remains completely oblivious to the comic chaos he’s creating, just powering through his talking points like a machine.
Tim’s eyebrows probably do incredible work throughout expressing entire novels worth of commentary without saying a word. Pryor likely adds physical comedy through exaggerated body language that Johnny can barely contain without breaking. The audience watches three completely different comedy styles collide in real time, creating unique moment that couldn’t be replicated.
Johnny probably gives up trying to moderate eventually, just surrendering to whatever is happening, accepting his fate. The segment becomes about endurance rather than content as everyone wonders how long this can possibly continue before someone intervenes. Tim makes small attempts to speak that get immediately crushed by the next wave of words from the unstoppable doctor.
Richard probably mimics the doctor’s intensity mockingly when the camera isn’t directly on him, creating side comedy. The relentless energy becomes both exhausting and hilarious as viewers feel the same trapped sensation the guests experience. Conway’s infinite patience makes the doctor seem even more unstoppable by contrast through his calm acceptance.
The combination of Pryor and Conway creates a dream team of reactive comedians who feed off each other. Johnny probably apologizes to viewers for losing complete control of his own show, admitting defeat. The segment likely runs long because nobody can figure out how to stop it politely without being rude.
Tim probably references this bizarre appearance in future visits, using it as shorthand for chaos and lost control. The mayhem demonstrates Conway’s remarkable adaptability to any situation, no matter how unexpected or unprecedented. Every Johnny Carson interview followed a predictable pattern until Tim Conway sat down and quietly dismantled the entire structure by answering questions just slightly wrong enough that Johnny spent the rest of the segment trying to figure out what just happened while audiences watched a master comedian make chaos look like cooperation. The funniest part wasn’t any single joke but watching Carson realize too late that he’d lost control of his own show to someone who never seemed to be trying, showing that true comedy genius doesn’t announce itself. It just sits there looking innocent until everyone else is drowning. Which Tim Conway Tonight Show moment do you think was his funniest? Let us know in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe for more memorable Tonight Show moments.