Rodney Dangerfield’s FUNNIEST Moments Ever! ht

 

kid. I was an ugly kid, too.    How ugly?    How ugly?   [applause]    I was so ugly my mother breastfed me   through a straw.    Rodney Dangerfield revolutionized   stand-up comedy by making audiences   laugh at misery for over four decades.    You want me to do it? I’ll do   commercial.

 

 She’ll give you a chance to   cool off a little bit.    Would everybody be like, okay,   [laughter]    I mean, it’s not my ball game, you know.   But [laughter]    these are Rodney Dangerfield’s funniest   moments ever. Rodney has Johnny busting   up.    I’m a bad drink. A bad drinker, Johnny.   I mean, when I drink, I don’t know what   I’m doing.

 

   The next day, I end up I usually wake up   in some strange place with a kid with an   accent playing with my feet. [laughter]    Weird doctor.    Oh, weird. I’ll tell you, Johnny, life   isn’t easy. Not easy life. You know,   tough life. Today’s been a terrible day,   too.    Has it really?    Got up this morning, picked up my shirt,   a button fell off.

 

 Picked my briefcase,   the handle fell off. I’m afraid to go to   the bathroom. [laughter]    What do you want to do now?    He does stand up, sits down, and keeps   improvising and somehow never loses   momentum. No one makes Carson laugh like   this.    I called up last week. I told him I had   diarrhea. Put me on hold.   I’m talking too much.

 

 Got a lovely young   lady back there wants to come out. I’ll   hear what she has to say. This is about   it. [laughter]    Okay.    Oh, death, where is thy sting?    Oh, you’re going into the classics now,   huh?    Well, don’t you know your Shakespeare?    Certainly.    Odette said that, didn’t he?    I think it was uh Nikki Panise who said   that.

 

   Panise.    He’s my lawyer.    He walks in with the same loser persona,   but every line is polished so sharply,   the whole appearance feels effortless.   Best father jokes.    My old man, he didn’t help at all. My   old man, we used to play tag and he’d   drive.   I mean, I had a rough. I told my old   man, I’m sick and tired of running   around in circles. He got mad.

 

 He nailed   down my other foot. My old man, he   didn’t help either. The time I was   kidnapped, they sent back a piece of my   finger. He said he wanted more proof. I   mean, it was the same thing when I was a   kid. No respect. My old man told me   Mickey Mouse died in a cancer   experiment.   My old man, he didn’t help either.

 

 kept   taking me to the zoo. He said he was   hoping my real parents would claim me.    His own dad doesn’t even respect him in   the funniest way possible. As Rodney   delivers these lines so perfectly,   they’re almost completely convincing.   Almost makes Carson fall out of his   chair.    You’ll be drinking early today   [laughter]   and I don’t want to drink cuz I’m a bad   drinker. I’ll tell you that Johnny.

 

 When   I drink the next day, I got to do two   things. I got to try and locate my car   and I got to bring back the car I took.   I mean, I’m [laughter]   Remember that one? Yeah, sure. Of course   I do. [laughter]    Of course you do. You move out of my   bed. I I don’t know. Bring on the next   guy. I don’t know what.

 [laughter]   [applause and cheering]   [applause and cheering]   He sounds completely fed up with   ordinary life while describing things   that are anything but ordinary. As his   complaints keep escalating, Johnny later   revealed, “I fought to stay in my chair   that moment. Can’t keep up with non-stop   oneliners.”    Yeah, I did a show last week for a bunch   of teenagers.

 

 Hey, these kids carry on   today. You can’t tell boys from girls. I   mean, the girls will wear slacks,   fillers, let their hair grow. I was   talking to someone yesterday. Look at   that teenager. What’s that? A boy or a   girl? He said, “That’s a boy. That’s my   son.” I said, “Sure, you knew you’re his   father.” He said, “I’m not his father.

 

  I’m his mother.”   After a while, I don’t know who to   believe anymore. Well, the other day I   was at my bank. They got signs all over   there at this bank of a friend. Last   month, there was two payments behind. My   friend took away my car.    He barely lets the audience recover   before the next punchline lands, making   the whole set feel like it’s gaining   speed.

 

 Dangerfield has Dom Louise   rolling on the floor in 1974.    Thank heaven I’m doing okay today and I   had a tough years, you know. So, I paid   a lot of dues, Johnny. Work a lot of   tough joints, you know. Fanso’s knuckle   room. Remember that?    Fanso’s knuckle room. [laughter]    Oh, he was tough, Fanzo. Was he tough?   Who? He was the first one.

 

 He started   acupuncture, you know. Yeah. With an ice   pick. Oh, he was tough. [laughter]    I had a [laughter] tough year. Johnny   tough. Everybody has a tough I guess.   Everybody has problems. I met a guy last   week with a problem. Oh boy. This guy   told me he he had an affair with a girl   3 months ago. The guy’s going nuts.

 

 He   didn’t know what to do.    He told me what happened was the rabbit   didn’t die. It just stays in critical   condition. No. [laughter]    Rodney stays in that same dead serious   rhythm while Dom completely loses it,   making  the jokes hit even harder   through contrast. Rodney has Carson   hysterically laughing.

 

   Man, I can’t take the pressure, Johnny.   It’s bad for my health.    How is your health?    No. It’s time for help. Help.    You mean my friend Dr. Vinnie Boom?    Yeah, that’s the one. Dr. Vinnie, my   health is bad. Just kidding. Very bad.   I’m not a kid. I’m getting old.    I know I’m getting old.

 

 Well, my last   birthday cake looked like a prairie   fire. [laughter]   You know how it is. I know I’m getting   at my age. I want two girls at once, you   know. Yeah. If I fall asleep, they got   each other to talk to.   [laughter]    What’s new with you?   [cheering and applause]    He wrecks the room with material so   lived in and fast that Johnny breaks   harder than usual, giving the clip   another layer. Blind dating 101. Sketch.

 

  May I take your wrap?    Yes. Thank you. Thank    may I check your game board.    Keep it. It cost me a fortune. You know   what I mean? Hey, but take this for   yourself. Okay.   Here. Take this, too, in case you change   your mind. All right. [laughter]   Yeah. I’ll tell you, for a blind date, I   never expected a dish like you, you   know.

 

   Oh, yes. And I’ll have to thank Tom for   bringing us together. So, you say you   were a friend of Toms. How did you meet   him?    He was on a blind date.   Hey, it’s a good joint. Expensive that   way to keep out the low life. You know   what I mean?    Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.    Hey, honey, do me a favor.

 

 I got an inch   back. Will you scratch my back? Get it   over here.    This is one of his funniest sketch   pieces because it takes his social   hopelessness and puts it into a   situation where he can only make things   worse. Final Carson appearance in 1992.    Last week, I told my wife she was lousy   in bed. She went out.

 

 She got a second   opinion.   I tell you with my wife, our   relationship is always on and off. Every   time I get on, she tells me to get off.    I tell you the trouble with me is I’m   not a good-looking guy. When I open the   front door on Halloween, kids give me   candy.   Now you kid, I know I’m ugly. I asked   the bartender to make me a zombie.

 Told   me God beat him to it.   Part of what makes this one special is   the extra weight around it. But the   performance still holds up on laughs   alone as Rodney sounds older. Yet the   timing is still sharp. Rodney destroys   Ed Sullivan’s set. This is one of the   clearest breakthrough moments in Rodney   history.

 

 As the no respect worldview is   already there, and he’s delivering it   with confidence that feels earned rather   than polished for TV. I can’t relax.    I tell you, I’m all right now, but last   week I was in rough shape. You know,   last week I told my wife, you need a   home improvement loan. She gave me   $1,000 to move out.   I tell you, my wife, there’s always   something, you know.

 

 Well, the other day   I called her up. I said to her, “Honey,   I’ve been thinking about the last time   we had sex. I’m getting excited.” She   said, “Who is this?”   I tell you, my wife, she never went for   me. The first time I called her up, she   told me, “Come on over. There’s nobody   home.” I went over, there was nobody   home.   My wife, she drives me nuts.

 

 She was   afraid of the dark. She saw me naked.   Now she’s afraid of the light. As a   short form moment, this is almost   unfairly effective as Rodney takes a   tiny human complaint and turns it into a   whole identity crisis in seconds. Has   Dean Martin in stitches in 1972?    My wife, she don’t give me no respect.   You know, no respect at all.

 

 Every time   I set the alarm, she turns it off. She   says, “Well, I earn it. Don’t pay to get   up.” [laughter]   I tell you, there’s a lot of things in   my wife I can’t figure out. You know,   the way she does the ironing. I mean,   when you burn a shirt, who puts on   butter?    Rodney always played well off, cool,   relaxed hosts, and Dean Martin is a   perfect example, as Dean’s smooth   reaction style makes Rodney’s frantic   misery sound even funnier by comparison.

 

  Never lets up with laughs in 1983.    You look great. You look great. You look   like you fell off a wedding cake, you   know. But it’s    I forgot to plug it. Has a plug here for   a new movie you have coming out.    Yeah.    Easy money.    That’s right.    Yeah. Is that a good picture?    What am I supposed to say?    Well, I don’t know.

 

 Have you seen it?    Uh, I saw a few things here and I   couldn’t take it. I had to run out, you   know. That’s all. I played a part of a   guy named Monte Capetti who lives in   Staten Island and he has   This one is shorter, but it’s all gas as   Rodney moves from one humiliation to the   next so quickly that the audience barely   has time to settle into a single   subject, making the whole clip feel   denser than it looks on paper.

 

 Best ugly   jokes.    Are you okay? I know I’m ugly. I stuck   my head out the window, got arrested for   moaning.   I know I’m ugly. I went to a freak show   and let me in for nothing. Okay, that   was an ugly kid, too.    How ugly?    How ugly? [laughter]      [cheering]  I was so ugly my mother breastfed me   through a straw.

 

   I’m ugly. I’m Tony. And my proctologist,   he stuck his finger in my mouth.    This works because Rodney’s appearance   jokes are never just insults about looks   as he turns being ugly into a full   social condition where strangers,   family, and life itself all seem to   agree on his misery.

 

 Dangerfield has   lots of problems.    I tell you, I tell you, I’m all right   now, but last week I was in rough shape.   You know,   last week I saw my doctor. I told him,   “Doc, every day I wake up, I look in the   mirror. I want to throw up. What’s wrong   with me?” He said, “I don’t know, but   your eyesight is perfect.”   [laughter] Kid last week, nothing went   right. I bought a Japanese car.

 

 I turned   on the radio. I don’t understand a word   they’re saying. [laughter]   I mean, it would mean nothing comes   easy. Well, the other night I went to   kiss my daughter good night. She told me   she had a headache.   The title sounds simple, but but that’s   exactly why it fits so well. As Rodney   can take one vague premise like, “My   life is terrible,” and keep spinning it   into marriage doctors, work, money, and   embarrassment without losing the thread.

 

  In a full appearance like this, you   really see how complete the act was,   proving he wasn’t just throwing jokes   out there, but building a whole comic   reality. The title sounding simple fits   perfectly as one vague premise becomes   the springboard. My life is terrible   being the foundation as spinning into   marriage doctor’s work and money shows   expansion.

 

 Never losing the thread   maintains coherence as the full   appearance reveals completeness. How   complete the act was shows construction   as he wasn’t just throwing jokes   rejecting randomness. Building a whole   comic reality proves real artistry as   the simple title belies the complexity.   The vague premises foundation shows   universality as keeping spinning   demonstrates generative power.

 

 Marriage   doctors work money and embarrassment   covering all of life as the thread being   maintained shows skill. Rodney lives in   a tough neighborhood.    Tell you what me nothing works out. You   know, my neighborhood’s getting worse. I   told you before I live in a tough   neighborhood. You know, just last week a   guy pulled a knife on me.

 

 I could see it   wasn’t a real professional job. There   was butter on it.   I tell you where I live, you can’t   protect yourself. But one day there was   a knock on my front door. I fig play it   safe. I open a peepphole. a guy recent.   [laughter]   I tell you, my building is nothing but   robberies.

 

 Every time I close a window,   I hit somebody’s hands.    This is classic Rodney escalation as he   starts with a familiar comedy topic and   keeps piling on images so ridiculous   that the neighborhood stops feeling real   and starts feeling cursed. The joke   chain is strong because each new beat   sounds like the last possible   exaggeration.

 

 And then he still tops it   making it a great example of how visual   his supposedly simple oneliners really   were.    Mother robberies over there. But the   other night I took the wife and kids   out. I figure I’d play it safe. Left all   lights on the apartment. Left the radio   on. Left the note in the front door   notes that I’m inside.

 

 [laughter]   Came home that night. I still got   robbed. The guy left his own note. He   said, “I looked all over for you.”   This is classic escalation being his   technique as starting with a familiar   topic provides entry. He keeps piling on   images showing accumulation. As things   get so ridiculous, the neighborhood   stops feeling real.

 

 It starts feeling   cursed, demonstrating transformation as   the joke chain being strong comes   through structure. Each beat sounds like   the last possible exaggeration creating   a ceiling. Then he tops it, breaking   through. It’s a great example of how   visual his comedy was showing dimension   as his supposedly simple oneliners   reveal real complexity.

 

 The tough   neighborhood being a familiar premise as   piling images creates absurdity. It   stops feeling real, reaching the   threshold as it starts feeling cursed,   completing transformation. Each beat   being the last exaggeration establishes   the limit as still topping it proves   endless creativity.

 

 Daffy and Sorrowful   on Ed Sullivan in 1969.    A lot of people know me, but they don’t   know my name. And they give me credit   when I know my own name. And they look   at me, they say, “Hey, hey, hey, what’s   your name again?” I say, “Rodney   Dangerfield.” They say, “Right.”   [laughter]   I don’t know.

 

 I tell you, I can’t figure   people out. I remember years ago I had   my fortune told. I went to a gypsy and a   gypsy told me a big blood was going to   come into my life. The next day my girl   left me for a sweet. [laughter]   The funniest part is the strange blend   of sadness and confidence in the   performance. Like he’s presenting   disaster as a personal brand as that   melancholy undertone is part of what   made the act feel different from more   aggressive comics.

 

 Even early on, he   knew how to make defeat sound like a   signature, proving the persona was   sophisticated from the beginning. The   strange blend of sadness and confidence   creates complexity as presenting   disaster as a personal brand shows   marketing genius. The melancholy   undertone being an emotional layer makes   the act feel different from aggressive   comics providing distinction.

 

 Even early   on showing the timing as knowing how to   make defeat sound like a signature   demonstrates mastery. The persona being   sophisticated from the beginning proves   intentional design as daffy and   sorrowful describes his dual nature. The   1969 Ed Sullivan appearance being an   early platform as the blend of sadness   and confidence balances emotions.

 

  Disaster as a personal brand means   owning failure as the melancholy   undertone adds depth. Being different   from aggressive comics shows an   alternative as defeat as signature makes   it his identity. Being sophisticated   from the beginning rejects it being   accidental. Rodney Dangerfield proved   that relentless self-deprecation and   perfectly timed humiliation could create   comedy genius that audiences loved for   generations.

 

 Now, I tell you, on   Halloween, that’s when I know I’m ugly.   I open the front door, kids give me   candy.   [laughter]    Making every appearance a lesson in how   to turn misery into laughter. Which   Rodney Dangerfield joke do you think was   the funniest? Let us know in the   comments. And don’t forget to subscribe   for more Legendary Comedy Moments.